Welcome to Addicted
"You know you're a Severus Snape Addict, when..."
Collected by:
Oreocat (no. 1-13);
Barbara6275 (no. 14-22);
Domaris Sky (no. 23-67 + 69-79 + 89-106);
Jenny Springer (no. 68);
Lil Sun (no. 80-88)
Magalud (no. 107)
| 1. | ... you named your cat/dog/fish/son/daughter "Snape", "Severus", "Sev", "Sevvie", "Sevy" or any combination there of. |
| 2. | ... you called in sick to work because "Just one more chapter!" |
| 3. | ... you bought a new computer just because it has a larger hard drive, which means more room for Severus Snape fanfics! |
| 4. | ... you bought a pocket PC, just to be able to take the fanfictions with you to the boring places like work, doctor's, bed, or the loo. |
| 5. | ... you have index finger arthritis/pain due to massive copying, pasting and constant link clicking. |
| 6. | ... you are paying the internet bill before buying gas/food/etc, because you feel you could live without any of the other things, but not without Severus Snape. |
| 7. | ... you think button or pug noses are hideous... only huge, beaky noses are attractive. |
| 8. | ... you take to wearing black cloaks at all times, even in Arizona during July! |
| 9. | ... you spend weeks making sure said cloak will "swirl" just so when you turn. |
| 10. | ... long, black, greasy hair makes your fingers twitch with the urge to slide through it. |
| 11. | ... you read and memorize potion ingredients, just in case you're ever asked what a bezoar is. |
| 12. | ... you start making your own potions, whether they are real or not. |
| 13. | ... you no longer walk, but stalk! |
| 14. | ... you are checking sites every hour or so, at work, just to see if there are new parts of Severus Snape WIPs you currently read. |
| 15. | ... you are reading R fics at work - thinking about reading NC-17 fics at work -, even though you know your employer keeps track of what you read and where you go. |
| 16. | ... you are going home early, even when you have a ton of work left to do, so you can read that NC-17 story, or new chapter, that came out while you were at work. |
| 17. | ... you are keeping Severus Snape fanfictions on disk at work, so you can read them at work. |
| 18. | ... you are realizing you are so behind at work, that you have to stay late and come in the weekends, simply because you couldn't find the time earlier between all the Snape fics you have read. |
| 19. | ... you are reading stories even though you have work to get done right now, that has to been done by 1 PM or 5 PM. |
| 20. | ... you are planning on getting a lot done on the weekend since your relatives are coming in a couple of weeks, and you are spending the entire time reading Snape fanfictions instead, because several people posted, or because a new Fest just got put online. |
| 21. | ... you are printing out a fiction to read, and then you are not getting to it because several other stories have come out since you printed it. |
| 22. | ... you are taking the printed fiction with you on airplanes, and to your familiy's house, so you can finish reading it, knowing they don't know you like slash. |
| 23. | ... you are learning English, so you can read more Snape fanfictions, because there aren't enough fics in your native tongue. |
| 24. | ... you fall asleep in front of your computer, because you can't go to sleep before you finished this last story for the day (you kept telling this yourself for the last five of them). |
| 25. | ... you are really tired, but you can't bring yourself to stop reading fanfictions, so you ask your partner to read the story to you, knowing that he/she can't read English and so the pronunciation would be horrible, but you don't care, somehow you will figure out what these strange sounds should mean. |
| 26. | ... you are barely awake at work, because you spent more than half the night reading Snape fanfictions. |
| 27. | ... you are feeling poorly at work, since you had no time to eat at lunch break, because you were reading Severus Snape fictions instead. |
| 28. | ... you are beginning to hate your own body for being such a nuisance and demanding petty things like eating and sleeping. |
| 29. | ... you are borrowing the laptop from your father at your parents house - just to read English NC-17 Snape-slash-fiction - knowing, that your father dislikes pansies with a passion, and being secure from his wrath only because he can't read English. |
| 30. | ... the only reason you got yourself a homepage was, that you wanted to create a Severus Snape fanfiction/recommentation page. |
| 31. | ... you no longer eat your meals with your family on the table but on the desk so you can read a new Snape fic. |
| 32. | ... you realize, that you are buying books, but you are not longer able to read them, since you have no time to read anything none-Snape related. |
| 33. | ... you have given up your other addictions like watching TV, because they would distract you from Severus Snape. |
| 34. | ... your partner can't use the computer for his work - getting up his play - because "Darling, I really need to finish reading this for work!" (This means the 800 KB Snarry you downloaded yesterday and you only need to read a little more, you have already read the first half after all.) |
| 35. | ... you no longer take showers, because you can't read the printed Snape fiction while showering, and you are having baths instead, so you can read one or two printed fictions in the tub. |
| 36. | ... you no longer wash your hair, so you can comb through it with your fingers to get the right feeling while reading Snape fanfictions. |
| 37. | ... you stopped brushing your teeth, because you like them yellow and crooked. |
| 38. | ... you developed the habit of loitering in waiting rooms of dentists, in hope you meet someone with crooked and yellow teeth. |
| 39. | ... you are going only to sleep after replaying a scene of a Snape fic in your head, in order to direct your dreams to him. |
| 40. | ... you downloaded a Snape fan-musicvideo even though you really hate the used song. |
| 41. | ... you don't leave your house any longer, and you sit in front of a Severus picture, because you feel bad to leave Sev to long alone. |
| 42. | ... you get over 30 e-mails a day and every single one is Severus Snape related. |
| 43. | ... you go online checking for new chapters of the Snape WIPs you like, and you are sad, because there are no updates. |
| 44. | ... you want to read your favourite Snarry fics online but the author deleted every single one and you are devastated, although you have every fic on your PC. |
| 45. | ... you read a charcter death story, where Snape or a loved one of him dies and you cry afterward ... and you feel only better after reading another Snape fic or two with a happy end. |
| 46. | ... your first thing in the morning (before you brush your teeth) is to switch on your PC to save time, so you can have your first dose of Severus with your breakfeast (after brushing your teeth). |
| 47. | ... you start trinking tee every time Snape is sitting in Dumbledores office doing the same (or refusing to trink it). |
| 48. | ... you remember eating only, when Snape is sitting in the great hall, sneering at students or someone is nagging Severus about his eating habits. |
| 49. | ... you are realizing you have nothing to eat in the house again, because you haven't stopped reading Snape fictions in time to buy something before the shops closed. |
| 50. | ... you switch your computer on and a picture of Severus Snape greets you and every time you turn it off a dark velvety voice says: "How disappointing!" |
| 51. | ... you greet said picture everytime you turn your PC on and it gets a parting kiss, when you turn the computer off. |
| 52. | ... you believe that Alan Rickman is Severus Snape for real. |
| 53. | ... you trained so long that you now have sarcasm true to an art form. |
| 54. | ... you sewed yourself long black robes with rows of tiny buttons in the front and you actually wear them even though all people staring flabbergasted at you. |
| 55. | ... the only way to get your housework done is, to reward yourself with reading a chapter for every work you got done, or you need to turn on "Harry Potter and the ..." as talking book. |
| 56. | ... your yahoo user id is something with one of the names "Snape", "Severus", "Sev", "Sevvie", "Sevy" (or any combination there of) in it. |
| 57. | ... you spend a whole day without doing anything Snape related and you can't remember the last time this happend to you. |
| 58. | ... you are trying to think of ways to apologize to Severus, after the day without reading/writing Snape fiction. |
| 59. | ... your limbs are icecold, because you are sitting in front of your computer and the only thing you moved in a long time were the left index finger to scroll down and your eyes to read yet another fanfic. |
| 60. | ... your doctor told you, that the pain in your joints and the cramps around your spine are due to the lack of movement and the only thing you worry about is how you can read fanfictions while you are jogging. |
| 61. | ... your friends have to use the word "Severus" in their first sentence when they want to speak to you just to get your attention. |
| 62. | ... you are meeting your best male friend (gay) after six months and you spent the whole evening talking about a Severus Snape plot bunny, you have in your head - only to get his expertise on anatomy, herbs, poisons and ... you know the male/male sex thing. |
| 63. | ... you are arriving two hours late at the birthday party of a friend, because you were in the urgend need to download a few new chapters of Snape WIPs, so you missed to call it a day and consequently your bus home (twice). |
| 64. | ... you were on said party but went home early - claiming tiredness - so you could read said chapters. |
| 65. | ... you are sitting on your own birthday party surrounded by your friends trying to smile and be patient even though you cancelled the party (because you wanted to so read this really funny Snape fic you found), but they came anyway! |
| 66. | ... everytime something funny/strange happens to you or your friends (or you hear/read something funny/strange), you have a new plot bunny, with Severus in the leading role, hobbling through your head. |
| 67. | ... everytime you are having sex in exceptional locations, you are trying to find a way how this could benefit one of your Snapefics. |
| 68. | ... you have some of the biggest binders available full of your favorite stories because you are afraid of your computer crashing and losing them forever. |
| 69. | ... you reluctantly go to bed, missing Snape and hoping the night will end soon so that you can get up and start reading another fic. |
| 70. | ... you buy every audible book read by Alan Rickman, and listen to them in bed, imagining that it's Snape reading to you. |
| 71. | ... you are going to a sculpture workshop just to learn how to make a Snape bust. |
| 72. | ... you have to move into a bigger house because you need more room for the 45 full length Snape sculptures you made. |
| 73. | ... you're having sex with your partner, and cry out Severus, Sevvie, Sevy or Sev instead of your partner's name... |
| 74. | ... you have taken up role playing in the bedroom to "add more spice" and you force your partner to play Snape for you every night. |
| 75. | ... you are unable to reach orgasm, if your partner doesn't call you "Severus", "Sevvie", "Sevy" or "Sev" to bring you over the edge. |
| 76. | ... you buy an inflatable lover and try to make it look like Snape. |
| 77. | ... your partner left you after finding you one night in bed with the inflatable Snape doll and the only thing that worries you is, that darling Sev might feel insulted by your (now former) partners enraged outcry of "take your fuck toy and go to hell". |
| 78. | ... you are male/female and you heard that Snape is straight/gay and now you are wishing you could switch your gender to be able to tend to Snape's sexual needs. |
| 79. | ... you don't see the beauty of the plants and animals anymore, you only see the worth they would have as potion ingredients. |
| 80. | ... you want to stay at home during your holidays, because these stupid trips all around the world are just distracting you from reading/writing Snape fanfics. |
| 81. | ... you have Severus pictures on your t-shirts, shirts, knee of your favourite jeans, cups, glassware, covers of all books, all around the walls... |
| 82. | ... everytime someone lets Sev suffer in his/her fanfic, a knife is opening in your pocket and you feel like Avada Kedavra-ing the author. |
| 83. | ... you wish you were a witch/wizard to be able to study at Hogwarts and impress HIM. |
| 84. | ... you wish you had made more effort to learn chemistry, because it's kinda like potions. |
| 85. | ... you are daydreaming about Severus Snape all the 18 hours a day that you are awake. |
| 86. | ... you are dreaming you are Harry in a really hot Snarry. |
| 87. | ... you are writing HP/SS fictions more than 20 hours in a row. |
| 88. | ... you are telling your conservative family at a sunday family lunch: "... and in the bus was such a sweet couple, holding hands and so on, those guys were really lovely ..." and you add inwardly: 'one of them reminded me of Severus'. |
| 89. | ... you let an airbrush artist paint a picture of Snape on your car and now you call it rather fondly "the Snapemobile". |
| 90. | ... you are the best customer of the Nail studio in your neighbourhood, because you let them paint every month a new Snape picture on your nails. |
| 91. | ... you got yourself a Snape tattoo on your back and now you are going only barechested out of the house, even in the deepest winter. |
| 92. | ... you removed the word "Mamma" from your upper arm and replaced it with "Snape", "Severus", "Sev", Sevvie", "Sevy" or any combination there of. |
| 93. | ... you bought one of those "Do it yourself"-calendars, now you can proudly present every week another Snape photo to your visitors. |
| 94. | ... you heard from the Star Trek conventions and now you are organizing Snape conventions. |
| 95. | ... every time you learn where Alan Rickman can be located, you are on your way to stalk him. |
| 96. | ... you got arrested for stalking Alan Rickman again. |
| 97. | ... you found this really awful Harry Potter magazine at the kiosk but you bought it anyway, because Snape was on the front page. |
| 98. | ... you started a call in the web to write JKR an e-mail with the plea not to kill Snape in the seventh book. |
| 99. | ... you are feeling utterly devastated, after reading HBP because you lost your faith in Snape. |
| 100. | ... you wrote a really long essay why Snape is one of the good guys, after reading HBP. |
| 101. | ... you created/joined a "Snape is good" page, after reading HBP. |
| 102. | ... you were beating up the first person, who voiced a doubt of Severus loyalty to the "good cause". |
| 103. | ... you created your own Dark Mark and now you are trying to summon Snape to you. |
| 104. | ... you changed your middle name into "Severus". |
| 105. | ... your kids are asking you, when this uncle Severus you are talking about all day is coming for a visit. |
| 106. | ... you have seen the "Head Slap scene" in GoF and now you are training the same gesture again and again. All your colleagues, family, friends, neighbours and even the strangers from the bus stop don't dare to whisper anymore, just to avoid these nasty headaches you are giving them with your new skill. |
| 107. | ... you name your computer Serverus, even though it's not a server, but you loved the name! |
Do you know more signs for Severus Snape Addicts? Use the contact form.