Title: Small Comforts
Author: CrisisKris (kmatwood@shaw.ca)
Rating: PG
Pairing: AD/SS
Summary: Albus finally gets his chance to relieve Severus of his burden.
Disclaimer: I don't own this or make any money off it, so please don't sue me.
Beta: Thanks to the lovely Ki. 
Archiving: This site, all others please ask.
 

The ache in his muscles and lingering pain in his bones did not completely cloud his mind, and Severus was able to appreciate the scent of lavender rising from the water as he half-fell into the steaming bath. He spared a rare fond thought for Albus as the heat surrounded him, remembering how this particular tradition had started.

He had come home late one night, bruised and weary, to find Albus waiting at the front door. "Headmaster," he had intoned softly.

"Severus. It's late; I was concerned." 

Severus smiled at the remembered words. How naïve Albus had been, worried about a few hours when later, the Potions master would vanish for days at a time. His smiled faded - how naïve they both had been. He shook his head - best not to dwell on the darker days, not after what he'd just experienced - so he let his mind wander back to that first night.

Albus had walked him to his dungeons, taking his elbow when he stumbled, and fussed over him like a Weasley woman when he saw the dark bruises on Snape's torso. Severus had tried to persuade the Headmaster that he was fine; he had tried to get him to leave, but Albus refused.

"Hush, Severus," he had clucked. "At least let me run you a nice hot bath before I go, hmmm?" And thus it had begun.

Severus smiled again, letting the heat soak into him. At first it had just been hot baths; then warming spells on his sheets. A fluffy bathrobe - white, of course - appeared a few years before the birth of Harry Potter. Not long after he noticed his baths were scented.

Small comforts. Small comforts for large pains - but comforts nonetheless. And it was more than Severus was used to.

The dark man sighed. He savoured these moments, when the heat took away the pain, however temporarily, and he could clearly see that whatever else happened, one person cared for him and loved him enough to think of his comfort. Sighing once more, he lifted himself from the tub, reaching for the fluffy bathrobe. Immediately, he felt his joints stiffen, his battered muscles protesting any movement whatsoever, and he winced. With painful slowness, he stepped out of the bath, gritting his teeth. Just had to hold on till he could reach the bed… a few more steps… Severus collapsed onto the mattress, not even bothering to pull pyjamas on under the robe. Charmed sheets settled over him, and he slowly relaxed into the warmth, groaning. Thank god for small comforts.

It seemed like he'd only slept a minute when there was a movement near his head. Startled into waking, Severus grabbed his wand, never far from his hand, and sat up, ignoring the bolt of pain that shot up his spine as he did so. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a grey blur barrelling toward the bed, and fired off a hex on reflex.

Fortunately, the grey thing turned out to be Babby, a house elf, who turned out to be well-acquainted with the dangers of waking Professor Snape, so she was able to duck under the bed with the hex bouncing harmlessly into the wall. She stayed there for a few minutes, listening as the wizard fought to get his breath under control. Then she heard him mutter "lumos" and the room lit up. Babby crawled out from under the bed and positioned herself where she was clearly visible.

"Babby is sorry to wake Professor Severus Snape," she began, but he waved her apology away.

"Professor Severus Snape is indeed very sorry that he tried to hex Babby," he replied tiredly, and the elf grinned.

"Oh, but Babby expects it from you, sir! She came prepared!" Snape smiled, but it faded. He could feel his eyes twitching as the pain of last night's activities re-awoke inside his body. Babby seemed to see this as well, because she hurried on. "Headmaster Dumbledore requests your presence," she informed him. 

Snape nodded. "Tell him I'll be along presently." The house elf nodded and vanished with a sharp crack. Severus spared an apologetic glance at the far wall, covered in scorch marks from his quick reflexes over the years, and then dragged his feet over the edge of the bed with a groan. Might as well get on with it.

Dumbledore gave him a sorrowful look as he dragged himself into the Headmaster's office. "Severus - you look terrible. I'm sorry," Albus exclaimed. He stood quickly and helped the Potions master ease into a chair. "If I'd realized you were in this bad a condition - I should have come down last night to check on you…"

"You're fussing, Albus," Snape replied, waving the hovering man back. "The comforts you provided were more than adequate. Thank you." 

Dumbledore nodded. "Things obviously did not go as planned."

"He didn't believe me."

"I'm surprised you're alive, then."

Severus laughed. "Oh, he said he believed me. But I know he didn't mean it. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. He really thought he had me back." He paused, grimacing at the memory of his return to Voldemort, the prostration, begging for forgiveness, the fear. "He wants me to believe that he's accepted my story, but he's only keeping me alive because he's not sure. I might yet prove useful to him - his only connection to Hogwarts and all that."

Albus regarded the younger man, absorbing his words. At last, he spoke. "And you're certain that this is so? That your own fears are not in any way clouding your perception?" 

Had the question come from anyone else, Snape supposed he would have been furious. But he and Albus had a long history of being completely honest with each other - they'd had to be. Albus was only asking because he must. Severus smiled softly. "I am sure," he replied firmly. "I have made it this far by knowing my…Master's mind better than he knows it himself. That's what made me a good servant."

"That's what makes you a good spy."

"Made." Severus looked the older man in the eye. "My spying days are over, Albus. The next time we meet, he will ask me for irrefutable proof of my loyalty, in the form of Harry Potter's life, or yours, or the key to disarming the wards at Hogwarts. And I will refuse, and he will kill me. Of that, I am certain."

Albus nodded, his eyes regaining their sorrow. "Your service has been invaluable, Severus," he replied, laying a hand on the other man's shoulder. "And your friendship will always be."

"Thank you." They stayed together in silence for a moment, enjoying the brief comfort of each other's presence. Then Albus reached down and pulled the younger man to his feet. "Let me escort you back to your quarters, Severus," he said kindly. "It's long past time for you to rest."

Severus stood in his chambers, looking slowly around. Dumbledore had led him to his hearth and bid him goodnight with a sudden, warm embrace, and now he was alone. Empty. Purposeless.

Slowly he sank into his chair, his mind numb. It was over. Twenty years, and it was finally over - the day he'd half dreaded and half hoped for since he'd first arrived back at Hogwarts, seeking sanctuary. He would not be returning to Voldemort. He would be staying here, letting Albus make good on a decades-old promise to keep him safe.

He stared blankly into the fire, letting the yellow flames soothe him, as memories came flooding back to him. 

"Please, please let me see him," the nineteen year old begged. The stone gargoyle that guarded Headmaster Dumbledore's office did not move. "Please. Lemon tarts. Sugar tots…blast it, I don't know anything about candy, I'm a Slytherin!" He ground his fist against his temple in frustration, and then sagged against the wall. "Fine," he whispered harshly. "You win. I'll just sit here until he comes out. He has to come out eventually." The young man gathered his robes around his gaunt frame and settled himself resolutely on the floor, where he promptly fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found himself surrounded by white, and was confused. He sat up, a black mark against the sheets, looking around for his wand. "You won't find it, child," a gentle voice told him, and he looked up to see the Headmaster standing before him, eyes twinkling. "I tucked it away until I could hear what you came here for."

Severus swallowed his shock and swung his legs off the bed. He realized to his chagrin that he was dressed only in his underwear. He blushed, and Dumbledore laughed. "Your robe, however, I will give you," he said, holding it out. "I had it cleaned while you were resting." Snape took it, gratefully pulling it over his head. When he looked up again, Dumbledore had moved to a nearby table and was pouring tea. "Join me, Severus," he said. The boy stood up, hesitant, his legs unsteady.

"You were so thin," a voice whispered in his ear, and Snape startled out of his reverie. 

"H-Headmaster," he gasped, one hand clutching at his chest, his heart pounding. "I thought you had left."

"I had. I came back."

"To give me a heart attack, now that I am finally free of this burden, no doubt." The older man chuckled.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I only wanted to make sure you weren't reliving painful memories."

"I was remembering the night I returned to Hogwarts," came the soft reply. 

Dumbledore came around to claim the chair next to his Potions master. "Yes. I remember you were terribly thin. I thought you wouldn't be able to walk from the bed to the table."

"But I did."

Dumbledore smiled in the firelight. "Oh yes, and proceeded to lay out a very logical argument regarding why you should be allowed to remain here at the school. Very straight-forward for a Slytherin."

"I spent weeks rehearsing that argument."

Albus looked surprised. "Weeks? I didn't know that."

It was Snape's turn to laugh. "Really, Albus, when have you known me to make any sudden decisions? I'd had more than I could stomach of Riddle's little mission by my second month with him. It took me two years after that to decide what to do about it. And to work up the courage to do so," he added as an afterthought. "Not being a foolish Gryffindor and all."

"No house has an exclusive claim on absolution, child," Albus said quietly.

"That's what you said then." 

"And so you see, sir, that it really is to your advantage to consider my request. You can't win this war on Gryffindor bravery alone, sir, if you'll pardon any insult. You need Slytherin cunning - that's what you're fighting, after all." The boy finished in on breath, gazing at his hands.

Dumbledore set down his teacup. "Severus," he said gently. "Look at me." Reluctantly, the boy lifted his head. Dumbledore was shocked at the uncertainty he saw in the black eyes - his voice had been steady throughout the whole speech. "Are you certain you did not come here because you are afraid, and long for safety?" he asked.

Severus's eyes flickered and fell to the floor. "Well, that too," he mumbled. "But I couldn't very well come and bawl to you for forgiveness, now could I? I'm a Slytherin."

"No house has an exclusive claim on absolution, child," Severus did not reply, still staring at the floor. With a shock, the Headmaster realized that they boy before him was trembling. "Severus, are you cold?"

"No, sir."

"Are you frightened?" There was no response. Gently, Dumbledore lifted the young man's face to meet his eyes. "You will have to be honest with me, Severus. Are you frightened of me?"

"I'm frightened of anyone who has more power than I do."

"I see." Suddenly Dumbledore stood and walked abruptly out of the room, leaving the young man alone at the table.

"I thought I must have said the wrong thing," Severus recounted dryly. "I thought you were displeased because I showed weakness, and that you were going to call the aurors."

Dumbledore touched his arm. "Vulnerability isn't weakness, Severus."

"Twenty years later, I'm still struggling to believe that."

"Twenty years later, I'm still here," The Headmaster replied. 

When he re-entered the room, a vial of Veritaserum in one hand and Severus's wand in the other, Dumbledore was shocked to see the boy had been crying. "Oh, child, you are frightened, aren't you?" he whispered, rushing to the table. Miserably, the young man nodded. Albus set down his load, ignoring them in favour of kneeling at the boy' side and urging him into a hug. The dark-haired man stiffened, but the Headmaster did not let go, and soon Severus had relaxed into the embrace, crying softly.

"Severus! You're crying," Albus exclaimed, leaning over to wipe tears from his friend's face. Severus allowed this, nodding. "Twenty years is a long time," the older man continued. "It's a long time to go without release." 

Severus couldn't speak; he just nodded again. When Dumbledore gathered him up into an embrace, he didn't fight it; he just buried his head on his friend's shoulder and wept.

"S-sir?" The small voice wafted up, wavering and muffled. The Headmaster pushed back so he could see the boy's eyes.

"Yes, child?" He asked gently. He moved to push the dark hair out of Severus's eyes, frowning when the younger man flinched under his touch. 

"Sir, I - please, I don't want to - to…"

**To take the Veritaserum,** Albus thought. He nodded. "I understand, son, but it's very important that you do." He was pleased when the boy acquiesced, looking afraid, but agreeing without a fight. He was shocked, however, when Severus slid out of his robes and knelt, wearing only his shorts, before the older man. Dumbledore gasped when he felt the long thin hand fumbling through his robes for his cock, and he jumped back, pushing the boy away. 

"What are you doing?" he asked, louder than he intended. Severus flinched.

"I'm sorry, sir," he replied, tears in his eyes. "I only - you said I had to…" he looked terrified and ashamed, shivering on the floor, unable to meet the Headmaster's eyes.

Dreadful understanding and a deep sorrow flooded through the older man. He picked up Severus's robe, handing it to him gently. "I'm sorry, child," he said. "I misunderstood. I thought you didn't want to take the Veritaserum."

The raven-haired boy looked at him with desperate eyes, clutching his robe. "I'll drink the whole bottle!" he replied seriously, his voice still wavering. "Just please, don't make me - "

"I will never make you do anything child, never," Albus assured him, helping him to the table and tucking the robe around his thin form. "You will always be safe within these walls, Severus. I cannot promise to protect you outside of them, but while you are here, I promise I will lay down my life to keep you from harm."

"I mean it, you know," Albus said seriously, looking into the dark eyes of his friend. Severus looked ages older, fine lines tightening around his eyes and mouth, the skin stretched across jutting cheekbones. He was exhausted.

The Potions master smiled bitterly. "You want to keep me safe?" he asked.

"Yes."

"It's a little late to protect me from the horrors of this world, Albus. I'd seen them before I ever came to you."

Albus laid a hand on his friend's knee. "Then I will help you rest, and make the space you need to heal from those horrors." The dark man nodded his acceptance. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, and then Severus turned to his friend.

"Albus - back then, you said you'd never make me…" Albus sat up straighter, sensing they were entering into sensitive territory. Severus was looking at his hands, face flushed.

"Yes?" The Headmaster prompted, keeping his face neutral.

"What if I asked?" There was no reply, and Severus looked up and then quickly away. "I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. I've overstepped a boundary."

"Severus." Albus's voice was warm and compelling. Despite himself, the Potions master found himself looking back. Dumbledore was smiling. He realized with a shock that the hand on his knee had travelled up to his thigh. "I've waited twenty years for you to ask."

Severus's eyes widened, and then brightened. He opened his mouth to reply, but instead found the Headmaster straddling his lap, feet dangling, to capture him in a kiss. Their first kiss. He moaned into the mouth on his. "Albus…"

"I love you, Severus."

"Oh." He didn't know what love was, really, so he didn't say it back. But from the way Albus's hands were clawing at the clasps of his robe, he didn't think that the Headmaster particularly minded. Albus was going to take him, just as he was, and whatever failings he had didn't matter.

Severus smiled into the kiss. He found the weight on his body…comforting.

THE END